There's a particulary smelly bit of comedy in the global-enviro-green-eco-warming movement this week, that Drudge readers will no doubt already be aware of:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/6583067.stm

Essentially, noted climatologist and ecological scientist Sheryl Crow proposes "a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting." She stipulates "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required."

Confound those pesky occasions! Two or three squares might indeed be required, in such a rare pesky occasion!

The Rosie responded with uncharacteristic wit and characteristic candor/grossness:

http://www.tmz.com/2007/04/23/rosie-to-sheryl-crow-have-you-seen-my-ass

I'll let you read that for yourself. I'm definitely no fan of the Rosie but even she can sometimes recognize idiocy when she sees it. Which brings me to my proposition. If Sheryl Crow wants us to, err, wipe out global warming by establishing a legal limitation to TP usage, we must establish how much toilet paper is acceptable. This is the procedure:

1. Feed the Rosie large platters of extra spicy jambalaya, red beans and rice, and andouille sausage, all dosed with unseemly amounts of cayenne or Tabasco.
2. Invite Ms. Crow over the following day.
3. Ask Ms. Crow to personally attend to the...personal sanitation...of the Rosie.
4. Count the number of squares of paper used. This would now be the legal limitation.